OK, we’d really be remiss if we didn’t at least pay cursory attention to the (shudder) R. Kelly trial. The man who has inspired a brilliant Chappelle’s Show sketch, a brilliant South Park episode, and who can actually be a fairly brilliant artist himself (when not trying to write 926-part, thinly-veiled homoerotic, midget-obsessed mini-operas), is of course on trial for the infamous sex tape from what seems like ten years ago.

Anyhoo, the trial started last week and so far the highlights lowlights include the following:

• The jurors screened the sex tape in creepy mood lighting.
• A friend of the woman who is allegedly in the tape said her friend is in the tape.
• The woman who was allegedly in the tape said it’s not her in the tape.
• A juror succeeded in a desperate bid to escape months of torture. Yeah, mortgage problems … sure.

This trial will no doubt be months long and packed full of non-news that we all don’t need to know, so the Stranger Dance will do the dirty work for you and keep you updated … even though you don’t want to be. Besides, if there are enough of them, I may be able to post the entire “Trapped in the Closet” saga.

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