Yes, that’s Jesus flipping the bird at Ticketmaster. Do you know why? Because Ticketmaster made him sad. Why did Ticketmaster do that to Jesus? Because the management at that company constantly stomps all over the 11th Commandment: Thou shalt not be a total dick.

It took every ounce of my restraint (which I have in short supply as it is) to not simply title this post “Seriously, Fuck You Ticketmaster” and launch into a profanity-laced screed about the company that would make Christian Bale blush. Instead I took the high road and chose blasphemy.

The reason for the angst? Well, for starters, this piece of news from yesterday about fans trying to buy tickets to see Bruce Springsteen:

When tickets for Springsteen’s show at New Jersey’s Meadowlands went on sale Monday, some fans got an error message on their computer screen that shut them out. The potential ticket-buyers then saw an ad for Ticketmaster subsidiary TicketsNow offering tickets for hundreds of dollars more than face value.

Got that? Ticketmaster blocked people out of buying tickets, presumably because the system was overloaded, and instead showed them an ad for its over-market ticket resell business. In itself a bastard move, yes, but add in what Ticketmaster does every day of its existence — fleece music fans out of millions of dollars — it adds up to a totally worthless company with a moral bearing that makes Dick Cheney feel like a pretty swell guy.

I’ve managed to stay away from Ticketmaster for about four years, by buying tickets at venue box offices and generally sticking to smaller shows, until a couple of weeks ago when I bought Animal Collective tickets for the Fox Theater in Oakland. After going through an abnormally long process to sign up for their Web site, I bought two $25.50 tickets that came out to a grand total of $72.70 after various fees — almost the price of three tickets. Three for the price of two, that’s a fantastic de … hey, wait a minute.

Making money for providing a service is one thing, but showing open contempt for your customer base because they have no option other than to use your service — that’s just being a dick. I’ll gladly pay $3 on a $25 ticket — I’m happy and Ticketmaster turns a healthy profit: $3 x 2,800 = $8,400 for one show. Multiply that by every god damn venue in the country and you’ve got a pretty successful venture going. Ticketmaster can do what it does for one reason: It has no competition. As Pearl Jam unfortunately proved, bands can’t go around it if they want to play rooms larger than bars — Ticketmaster has exclusive deals with 90 percent of the country’s venues.

The Springsteen episode got a New Jersey Congressman all hot-and-bothered, but true to form for an American politician, he’s more pissed that he couldn’t get tickets to see The Boss than he is about possible violation of anti-trust laws. Until something is done about Ticketmaster, I’m out. I’ll but tickets at the box office, or I won’t go. My money isn’t going down the drooling maw of that beast.

Seriously, fuck you Ticketmaster.